Tag: self-worth

Time to Forgive Yourself // Dealing with Guilt

Time to Forgive Yourself // Dealing with Guilt

Brendan Slovacek
By Brendan Slovacek

If God forgives me, why do I still feel this way? This question that I was asked through the tears of a young woman perfectly encapsulated one of our strongest negative emotions: Guilt is a punishment we give to ourselves, even after God has forgiven us.

Each person has been given a built-in meter of “Right or Wrong” known as our conscience. God didn’t give us free will without giving us a way to know what’s good! Our conscience is there to balance out our desires, inform our will, and help us follow the natural laws that are written on our hearts. But what about when we don’t choose what’s good?

Guilt is a pain inflicted by yourself, to yourself, and a lot of times to another person. I learned this the hard way after I met a woman who I fell into a deep romance with. However, it was a long distance situation and (to be blunt) I felt insecure in her ability to love me from afar. I didn’t see myself as worthy of her love. So even amidst all of my affection for her, I started to see someone else who was a “safe option” because there wasn’t a distance. When she told me “You hurt me,” it was like a knife had been stabbed into my heart, except I was the one holding the knife. It took almost a year before I was able to come to terms that I hurt someone I loved. Even though I reconciled with God, I still felt the weight of my guilt burying me every day. But I realized that if I truly wanted to be a better man, I couldn’t let guilt control me. I had to take control of my guilt and shame and let my future actions speak louder. I learned it was time to actually forgive myself.

I don’t believe bad people exist; just good people who make bad choices, and sometimes a lot of them. Sometimes our bad choices are momentary without thinking; sometimes they have been planned out and are intentional. Regardless of the circumstances, we still bear the pain of having fallen. Yet Jesus showed us there is redemption for each person, if we so choose it. But if you keep embracing your past mistakes, your hands will be too full to let Jesus take you into his arms. It doesn’t matter what your mistakes are. Maybe you slept with someone. Maybe you cheated. Maybe you said something hurtful to a close friend. Maybe you got too drunk. Maybe it was an accident. No matter what you did, it’s time to forgive yourself.

There’s no perfect solution to overcoming your guilt, but in my struggle to become a better man in the face of my past mistakes, these things have helped immensely: 

1. Admit your guilt to yourself and to God.

The first step is admitting you have a problem. It can be hard to recognize this, especially if you feel you got something out of whatever bad choice you made. But eventually, you have to see the reason why what you did was wrong and admit it to yourself to God in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

2. Remember your bad choices don’t define you.

Your guilt is actually proof that there’s good inside of you! You wouldn’t be able to feel guilt if you were evil. Since God made us with a conscience, that means we need to know what good is in our own hearts in order to make choices! This goodness comes from being children of God, created in His own Image and Likeness. At times, we fail to be like God, but He still made us with the capacity to be like him. Thus, who you are is about God’s choices, not your own, and He chose to make you with goodness!

3. Even if someone can’t see past your bad choices, God can (and so can you).

Sometimes, the other person won’t forgive you – and that’s okay. You may have been the cause of their pain, but it doesn’t mean you will always be able to heal them. Sometimes, they need to heal on their own. However, don’t think for a moment that just because you couldn’t fix what you broke, God can’t fix you. God wants to forgive you, and you need to forgive yourself too. Likewise, if you feel ready to forgive someone for hurting you, don’t make them wait. Sometimes, the closure of your forgiveness can help them heal from their guilt too.

4. Reconciliation doesn’t always look the same for everyone. 

It’s okay to heal in different ways. Don’t let others try to dictate to you what needs to happen for you to reconcile with God, others, or yourself. However, no matter how your journey goes, always remember to ask yourself, “Is this really helping me to grow as a child of God?” If the answer is no, it’s not a healthy method of trying to heal.

5. Remember all the good qualities about you, and make a list toward the good qualities you want to grow in.

If you want to truly move past your guilt, then it’s important to remember all the things you should be proud of. Then, in the areas where you have shortcomings, set goals of what you want to work on and make action steps to make it happen!

Finally, know that I’m praying for you. Whatever brought you to this article, burdens of the past can be heavy, but with God, you can lift them off and rise higher than ever. Jesus, Victor over Sin and Death, pray for us!

The True Nature of Humility

The True Nature of Humility

Anna Rodriguez
By Anna Rodriguez

Humility. I thought I knew and understood what this word meant. The Lord has certainly been redefining this word for me, which has brought me to a more intimate relationship with Him.

I used to be convinced that humility was achieved after an incident or situation that led to feelings of embarrassment and feeling bad about myself. It equated to defeat in my mind. I am coming to learn that this is so opposite of what it really means to experience humility.

This last semester, my heart was in a very fragile place. I had lots of personal things going on in my life that ended up taking a big toll on me. From big transitions to changes in relationships to struggles with mental health, it proved to be a season of breaking, crushing, and purifying. I began to really struggle with depression and anxiety, both of which snuck their way into every aspect of my life. I did not feel like myself at all, and I couldn’t understand why. I also found myself isolated in my room most of the time.

As things got worse, I decided it was best to quit the band and the track team, which I was previously involved in at the college I attend. This situation was extremely difficult because I love people, I loved being involved with the band, and I loved being on the track team. They were all things I loved but also things I could not keep up with at the time. It began to feel like everything that was familiar and comfortable was being stripped from me.

I felt so defeated in every aspect; thus, I named it a humbling experience. I went through a portion of this time with the mindset of, “My life feels miserable right now, but that’s okay because I’ll just offer it up.” After a few weeks, I finally started questioning my disposition. “Doesn’t there have to be more to just offering it up? There is no way that the Lord desires me to be miserable.”I kept asking these questions in prayer, and they led to my skewed definition of humility. The Lord revealed that I was looking at humility through a lens of defeat because I was way more focused on myself than I was on him. I was putting everything I thought I had and everything I thought I was in the core of my heart instead of recognizing it as total gift from God. My eyes were fixed on the gifts and not the Giver.

As we take our eyes off of ourselves, we begin to become little. Becoming little has the potential to be a very painful thing when we are wrapped place our identities in what we do, what we have achieved, what others think of us, etc. It also leads to a very liberating way of life. The reality is the littler we become, the more room there is for God. As I began to embrace my littleness, He took up the room in my heart that had previously belonged to other people and worldly matters. Through His sheer goodness, power, and love, the weakest parts of my heart were revived to a strength that I, anyone, or anything could have never achieved.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself— it is thinking of yourself less.

C.S. Lewis
Women Who Struggle With Purity: You Are Not Alone

Women Who Struggle With Purity: You Are Not Alone

Katie Collin

By Katie Collin

In a world that oftentimes promotes sexual promiscuity, it can feel especially lonely and isolating for Catholic women who struggle to live out the virtue of purity. It comes as no surprise that the devil distorts our desires when we try to live out that virtue. My struggle began in middle school with pornography and masturbation, and later involved wrestling with intrusive lustful thoughts and a difficulty viewing others chastely. Whether you are tempted by this or any other sexual sin, you’re not alone. I don’t know your story exactly, but I share in common the loneliness and shame that many women feel when tempted by sins of impurity.

I was exposed to pornography in middle school and sadly my curiosity led me down a rabbit hole. I felt trapped and didn’t tell anyone for five years. I attended Catholic High School, went to church weekly, and enjoyed participating in youth group and many retreats. But I felt so alone, like I was the only one fighting these demons. While at retreats, men’s talks were full of practical resources on how to combat temptations of impurity but women’s talks didn’t address it, making me feel even more helpless. Eventually, I decided to watch some of the men’s talks on YouTube. I felt so alone in my addiction. What made things worse is what people would say about women who struggled with impurity- that they are “disgusting” and “gross.”

I want to pause right here and say that you are not disgusting, and you are not gross— any voice that tells you otherwise is from the Enemy. You are a beautiful, beloved daughter of God. You were worth dying for. If the God who created the universe says this, why should you believe anything else?

Ironically, it wasn’t until I told someone about my struggle with impurity that I truly started to experience freedom. This was the most vulnerable I had ever been. In the fetal position and bawling, I told my friend of my struggles with purity. She looked at me with such love and acceptance- the way I envision Christ looks at us when we come to him. Then she just sat by me. I’m convinced her presence was God being present to me through her. She encouraged me to open up more about my struggles, and I did.

It wasn’t easy but I began to give my witness to others, I went to confession often, I asked people for prayers and advice, and I started to combat my sin with prayer. It was not easy. Shame had its hold on me for years. However, it is truly by the grace of God that I was able to fight this fight. The devil wants us to internalize our struggles, so I did the opposite. I began sharing my experience with people in hopes that they would help me, and as a result, God worked through these friends, and it became easier. I am forever thankful for these people’s prayers.

Was I perfect in my fight? No. But I didn’t stop and I am much closer to freedom, and I now can better control my temptations. Jesus wants us free, that’s why he redeemed us by the cross. Don’t lose sight of that.

Today, I am no longer trapped by sins of impurity. Although, temptations hasn’t totally disappeared, and Satan will occasionally try to tempt me, the devil has no power if we don’t give it to him. When I feel spiritually attacked, I immediately turn to Mary, Our Mother. I reach out to a support group I lead for women who struggle with purity. It is comforting knowing there are other women carrying this cross and knowing that I am not alone.

You are not alone in this fight either.

I encourage you if you struggle with impurity to tell someone you trust. Laying out your sinfulness to others can be one of the hardest things to do, but from that you will start to experience the freedom only God can give. He wants you to bring this into the light. Telling someone you trust provides accountability and prayerful support when you need it. It can be difficult to find resources just for women, but keep looking, even if you wind up utilizing information intended for men. You can cater them to yourself, which is okay. I have listed some resources below. In the end, your efforts will pay off. You can do this! Put your armor on and keep fighting the good fight. I will be praying for you.

Gratitude for the Body You’ve Been Given

Gratitude for the Body You’ve Been Given

Katie Sommers
By Katie Sommers

I have been struggling with body image ever since I was in middle school. It seems like a pretty common issue among young women. Back then, I thought none of the boys liked me because I was “too fat.” (I was nowhere near “fat,” but I came up with this lie about myself, thinking there must have been something wrong with me.) This lie has stuck with me even through college.

I like to think of myself as a pretty positive person, but when it comes to my body, I can be pretty critical. When I look down at my stomach or my calves, I don’t see a beautiful gift from God, or limbs that move at my command—I only see the negatives. I notice that when I look down, I often don’t see good. Rather, I saw fat, faults, and flaws that I regard as pathetic results of my carelessness. Why is it that I easily can point out the beauty in others, but when it comes to myself, I cannot help but pick out the faults?


And to make it all worse, I constantly compare myself to others. When I see someone tall and slender, I suddenly feel short and fat. When I see someone with skinny legs, arms, and abs, I suddenly feel lazy. And the list goes on. Why am I like this? Why can’t I just rejoice in the beauty of others without forgetting my own?

But really— each body is so amazing. Not only is every body unique in so many ways (fingerprints, hair texture, eye color, etc.), but every body is truly a miracle made in the image and likeness of God. Every body has so much potential. When you see a baby, you can see how the baby’s legs are likely going to grow and how the human body is made to get stronger, to stretch, and to transform.


I think if we saw the full potential of our bodies, we could start to see the full potential of our whole selves—our souls, how we spend our time, and our relationships.


Bodies heal themselves, they fight for our health, they can get tan, they give you endorphins, they can sit for hours. Bodies can leap, run, lay, swim, crawl, dance, twist, bend, sit, kick, squat—the possibilities are limitless. Bodies can even be art (i.e. through dance, sports, or makeup), and bodies can even express a language.

I think it really sad how easy it is to misuse our own bodies— whether that be using them to do evil, or doing nothing with them. Either way involves not trying to achieve their full potential to do good.


So many times we neglect our bodies. We find ourselves spending hours idly sitting on our butts, comparing ourselves to people on Instagram. It is so easy to take our bodies for granted. Think about all the people who would love to spend a day with a completely healthy body with all of its parts moving fluently— the elderly who cannot walk any more, the amputees who would love to just walk normally again, etc.

Your body is a gift, so next time you look at your leg and only see fat or some other insecurity, think for a moment about who else in the world would long for functioning legs, or to be young again, or to have the great capacity for healing and cherishing that beautiful instrument.

Deepfake: When the Nudes Aren’t You

Deepfake: When the Nudes Aren’t You

Rebekah Hardy
By Rebekah Hardy

A few years ago, I was sitting at my teacher’s desk while my students took their religion test. I was going back and forth between grading papers and checking my email when suddenly I saw one, then ten, then twenty friend requests come in to my Facebook inbox from men that I didn’t know. I checked my page to see what was going on and if I was getting spammed. When I checked my inbox there were messages… gross ones. 

I didn’t know what I did to bring all of this creepiness into my life. I ignored the messages and just deleted them thinking it was some kind of awful mistake that all of these people were messaging me. The next day I received even more friend requests and then finally a message that made my heart stop. Someone was kind enough to send me screenshots from a couple of popular sites… it was a picture of my face photoshopped onto a naked woman’s body with all my contact information listed. I couldn’t believe it.

I was struck with absolute horror and my stomach turned in disgust that someone would do this to me. I had never taken a naked picture in my life! I felt so shameful knowing that all of these men in my friend requests were looking at a picture of someone who they thought was me. People were lusting after this picture of someone they probably imagined was a consenting adult. I was horrified at the thought that one of my students, my boss, my friends, would come across this and how much damage that would produce- even though it was fake. 

I felt like it was real. The person who sent me the screenshot to me said they were so sorry someone had shared my pictures… but they weren’t even mine. Somewhere in the world, however, there was someone who did take that picture of herself. My heart broke at the thought that she was also being exploited through this. I felt for my poor sister in Christ.

For weeks I would report these pictures and they would be taken down only to pop back up a couple of days later with more raunchy captions. I felt like I wasn’t safe when I would think about the ill-intentioned people who might be on these sites seeing the place I worked next to the naked picture of “me”. I would have nightmares about them showing up at my work and following me through the parking lot. Out of fear for my safety, I told the priest who was my boss at the time about what I was going through. Thanks be to God, he took me under his wing and immediately reached out to the police in our school district to report everything that happened. He told them to keep an eye on me and make sure I was okay- and told me to call him if I ever felt unsafe.

That same day I went to my hometown police station with my dad and received so much kindness and concern from them as well. I got several calls from the lieutenant who took down my story over the following days to ensure that all was well and to give an update of the status of things. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t do this earlier. It was partly out of shame. I was so embarrassed at the thought that they might not believe my story. For fear of being misunderstood or disbelieved, I suffered in silence.

The whole time this was happening, my only consolation was that I knew it wasn’t me. Even if everyone else didn’t know that, at least I did. However, something else was weighing on my mind at the time… I thought of everyone in the world who this actually happens to. Revenge porn is a real thing and I know people who have actually had their real nudes circulated online by an ex or a spiteful friend. To this day, I pray for those men and women. The human body was never made for this.

To all of the women and men who have been lied to and made to believe that sending nudes is a normal thing- I am sorry. To all of the women and men who have been exploited because of nudes they have sent- my heart breaks for you. To all of the people who are reading this and are tempted to judge those who ask for and those who send nudes- don’t. None of us are perfect but all of us can be better.

For anyone who might be feeling pressured to send nudes, I would just like to encourage you and tell you that it isn’t worth it. I promise you that anyone who’s love or attention might be hinging on the requirement that you show them something so personal and sacred as your naked body is not the kind of “love” or attention that you deserve. While that may sound arbitrary, believe me, I know. I have had pressure to do the same thing from people I’ve dated and people who weren’t even looking for a relationship with me. Looking back, I am so thankful that I didn’t give them what they were looking for.

If you’ve sent nudes before and you feel like you can’t turn back now- that’s a lie from Hell. We know from Saint Paul’s Second Letter to the Corinthians that “Whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Cor 5:17). It is never too late to start over when you have Christ. Start today. Let Him make you new. That isn’t you anymore.

Am I Good Enough Yet?

Am I Good Enough Yet?

Catalina Morales
By Catalina Morales

I have struggled with whether I’m “good enough” all throughout my teens and into adulthood. Like me, you may often ask yourself: “Am I good enough yet?” And yet, when reflecting on this question, we must dig deeper and ask ourselves: Who exactly are we questioning we are good enough for?

For me, it was my family, my friends, the boys I dated, and myself. Whenever someone disappointed me or walked out of my life, I questioned my self-worth. With every heartbreak, I questioned whether I was good enough. Every friend that was no longer my friend, every F on a test, every failure, every disappointment made me question my worth: “Am I not smart enough? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not skinny enough?”

And yet, are we not more than our accomplishments and failures? Are we not more than the numbers on the scale? Are we not more than the way we think people perceive us? Wouldn’t it be nice if every time we had this thought of not being enough, someone would be there to say that we are—If every time we met ourselves with doubt, someone would assure us that we were created for more than this?

Jesus does. He says that He made us; we are made in His image. Jesus reminds us every day that we are enough—in fact, we are to die for. To question our worth is to question His sacrifice. He says not only that we are worthy, but that we have purpose. You are here for a reason, you are blessed, you are beautiful, and you are enough.

One of my favorite lyrics comes from “He Has Time” by Common Hymnal and Jamie MacDonald. It reminds us that “Jesus runs after the broken ones, weeping with those who weep,” and “crowns them with purity.” The great thing about Jesus is that we don’t have to look too far to find him. He see us in our darkest places, in our doubt, in our sadness, and in our failures, and still says we are worthy. He meets us where we are in life and heals us. Once we realize this, we stop putting our worth in other people; we stop looking for our worth in other people. We become set free, we become made new—the only person we put our worth in is Jesus. The only person we question if we are “good enough” for is Jesus, and even then, we know the answer because He answered it when He died on the cross for us.

The answer is, yes, we are enough. If we put our worth in worldly things, we will surely be disappointed. Nothing on this earth is perfect, but if we put our worth in the one thing—the one person—who is perfect, then we will not be disappointed.

Jesus has all the time in the world to remind you every day: You are more than the scale, more than the A’s or F’s you get on a test, more than what people say about you. You are not made of this world, you are made of Him. You are worth dying for, and He did—because you are worth it.

You Are Worthy

You Are Worthy

Donna Columba
By Donna Columba

Can you remember your first day of high school? I can most accurately describe my experience by the distinct “school smell” and how I tried to avoid eye contact while power-walking to my next class. I remember coming home with a sore jaw, not from getting into a school fight but from not saying a single word all day! I avoided any and all social interaction possible and was undoubtedly shy.

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