Tag: Suffering

Transformed Through Suffering

Transformed Through Suffering

Savannah Pawley
By Savannah Pawley

Christ is present with us in each moment of our lives, but so often we only turn to Him during our times of suffering and despair. Within this past year, I have faced some of the biggest struggles of my life and felt as if I was stripped of everything except my relationship with the Lord. In that, I came to realize how little I relied on God until I was in the midst of great suffering.


I first want to preface this by mentioning that everyone suffers as a consequence of mortal sin and being part of a broken world. Each and every individual suffers but it may look different for each of us. Regardless of whether you feel that your suffering is insignificant or that other people have worse situations than you do, your hurts and feelings are still entirely valid, and Lord sees and knows them. For me personally, it wasn’t until I was faced with suffering that I was able to see where Christ was with me in my sorrow.

For most of my life I struggled to comprehend how Christ could possibly relate to my life. I wasn’t able to see the ways His earthly life was similar to mine in any way. But a few months ago as I was reading scripture. I began to reflect on the simple verse, “Jesus wept,” in John 11:35. What I find to be most moving about this scripture is how Jesus still weeps for the loss of someone He loves, even though He knows He will soon resurrect Lazarus from the dead. He weeps out of pity and sorrow for those mourning the loss of someone they loved dearly. Jesus’s heart is moved with pity for each one of us. He does not look at our suffering and tell us to move on, but rather, He sits with us and weeps. And so much like the reading in John, after He weeps, He raises us from the dead. He makes us new and gives us more than what we had lost previously.

In C.S. Lewis’ book, A Grief Observed, he mentions how Christ allows suffering because it wrecks our “house of cards.” Suffering causes our priorities to shift and forces us to examine our lives and see what is preventing us from being rooted in Christ. The Lord does not cause suffering, but He allows it to happen in order to guide us unto a deeper union with Him and a conversion within our own lives.

About six months ago, I remember sitting in the chapel asking the Lord why he would allow me to suffer so greatly, and He reminded me of how there cannot be a resurrection without the crucifixion. The Lord cannot make us new if we do not allow ourselves to suffer. Even more importantly, Christ cannot transform us if we do not allow Him into our suffering. Knowing that there is a resurrection after the crucifixion allows for each of us to endure our suffering with the hope that the Lord will bring beauty and newness out of it.

Finally, we must also root ourselves daily in Christ and recognize how we always need Him, even in times of abundant successes and blessings. If we humbly remain steadfast in our reliance on Him, then it will truly strengthen our fortitude and our capacities to remain faithful to Him through times of great suffering. May we exude the same radical trust that led Job to cry out, “The LORD has given and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD,” in Job 1:21, no matter the circumstances.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed every day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.

2 Corinthians 4:17

Pierced and Poured Out

Pierced and Poured Out

Jade Grutsch

One Thursday evening, my friend and I enjoyed the leftovers of my grief, a meal that both fills and depletes you. I let the words out before finishing my plate, “My heart has been pierced.”

My friend inquired, “How do you do it? How do you keep showing up with your heart? I admire you for being so vulnerable and real. But also, I just don’t get it. You somehow still choose to trust, to leap and fall, even after you’ve hit the ground.”

I looked down at my cup of tea, which was now more a collection of my tears than green leaves. Turning towards the image of the Sacred Heart, I smiled with tired eyes and said, “I had a fight with Mama Mary about this actually. I told her I was done and couldn’t take any more of this pain. I begged her to take my heart away. But she told me it is better to have a heart pieced, rather than no heart at all.”


There was a silence that followed this disclosure, and my heart was comforted by the company of a fellow overthinker. I paused before admitting out loud, “My biggest fear is being buried alive.” At this rather abrupt confession, we both shared an amused burst of laughter before I continued, “C.S. Lewis writes about a heart that is no longer penetrable. It is a heart no longer open to love, scared of rejection, and thus in a constant state of avoiding anything that could make it vulnerable. This kind of heart spends its life in hiding to stay safe, yet it is practically buried in a protective case made up of its own fear.”


Again, we sat in silence as we let the candle dance and burn. 


After a moment, I admitted, “That is much worse: to be buried alive in a coffin of my own fears of loss and rejection. I would much rather be fully alive in the feelings of joy and love, which do inevitably come with the cost of accepting pain. As my dear Brother Titus reminds me:

God gives us roses because He loves us, and thorns because He loves us more.

“The kind of lover I want to be is one who does not take offense, but takes every opportunity to learn how to better serve the other person,” I continued. “This love shows up without an agenda. Rather, it becomes purer as it seeks only to give and never to take. I am not perfect at this love and there are many areas in my heart, which desperately need His Refining Mercy. We are not ever going to perfectly love one another. It is only to the capacity of our reception of His Love that we are then able to share Pure Love with each other. A heart that is closed cannot receive and likewise cannot share the gift of its Maker’s Love. That is why we must stay open, pierced and poured out, if we are striving to live in the Image of Our Creator.”


Upon further reflection beyond the setting of dinner with my companion, I came to the conclusion that perhaps it is better to be left hanging, just as Our Lord was left on the Cross… hanging and poured out, pierced and abandoned, loved by only His Mother and dearest friend—this was somehow the chosen vocation for God’s Beloved Son. And so, am I, His Beloved Daughter, not also called to the same fate? Are we not all called to be in His Family, carrying out His Legacy of sacrificial love?

Hard Christmas

Hard Christmas

Rebekah Hardy
By Rebekah Hardy

Christmas can be such a dreamy time of year: houses and churches take on new beauty with the lights and garlands, love seems to be in the air as couples post romantic pictures, we give and receive gifts–all of this is bright and merry and beautiful.

What happens when the most wonderful time of year is crossed with suffering? With loss? How can we navigate a time of great joy when it is overshadowed by great sorrow?

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