Tag: Catholic

Time to Forgive Yourself // Dealing with Guilt

Time to Forgive Yourself // Dealing with Guilt

Brendan Slovacek
By Brendan Slovacek

If God forgives me, why do I still feel this way? This question that I was asked through the tears of a young woman perfectly encapsulated one of our strongest negative emotions: Guilt is a punishment we give to ourselves, even after God has forgiven us.

Each person has been given a built-in meter of “Right or Wrong” known as our conscience. God didn’t give us free will without giving us a way to know what’s good! Our conscience is there to balance out our desires, inform our will, and help us follow the natural laws that are written on our hearts. But what about when we don’t choose what’s good?

Guilt is a pain inflicted by yourself, to yourself, and a lot of times to another person. I learned this the hard way after I met a woman who I fell into a deep romance with. However, it was a long distance situation and (to be blunt) I felt insecure in her ability to love me from afar. I didn’t see myself as worthy of her love. So even amidst all of my affection for her, I started to see someone else who was a “safe option” because there wasn’t a distance. When she told me “You hurt me,” it was like a knife had been stabbed into my heart, except I was the one holding the knife. It took almost a year before I was able to come to terms that I hurt someone I loved. Even though I reconciled with God, I still felt the weight of my guilt burying me every day. But I realized that if I truly wanted to be a better man, I couldn’t let guilt control me. I had to take control of my guilt and shame and let my future actions speak louder. I learned it was time to actually forgive myself.

I don’t believe bad people exist; just good people who make bad choices, and sometimes a lot of them. Sometimes our bad choices are momentary without thinking; sometimes they have been planned out and are intentional. Regardless of the circumstances, we still bear the pain of having fallen. Yet Jesus showed us there is redemption for each person, if we so choose it. But if you keep embracing your past mistakes, your hands will be too full to let Jesus take you into his arms. It doesn’t matter what your mistakes are. Maybe you slept with someone. Maybe you cheated. Maybe you said something hurtful to a close friend. Maybe you got too drunk. Maybe it was an accident. No matter what you did, it’s time to forgive yourself.

There’s no perfect solution to overcoming your guilt, but in my struggle to become a better man in the face of my past mistakes, these things have helped immensely: 

1. Admit your guilt to yourself and to God.

The first step is admitting you have a problem. It can be hard to recognize this, especially if you feel you got something out of whatever bad choice you made. But eventually, you have to see the reason why what you did was wrong and admit it to yourself to God in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

2. Remember your bad choices don’t define you.

Your guilt is actually proof that there’s good inside of you! You wouldn’t be able to feel guilt if you were evil. Since God made us with a conscience, that means we need to know what good is in our own hearts in order to make choices! This goodness comes from being children of God, created in His own Image and Likeness. At times, we fail to be like God, but He still made us with the capacity to be like him. Thus, who you are is about God’s choices, not your own, and He chose to make you with goodness!

3. Even if someone can’t see past your bad choices, God can (and so can you).

Sometimes, the other person won’t forgive you – and that’s okay. You may have been the cause of their pain, but it doesn’t mean you will always be able to heal them. Sometimes, they need to heal on their own. However, don’t think for a moment that just because you couldn’t fix what you broke, God can’t fix you. God wants to forgive you, and you need to forgive yourself too. Likewise, if you feel ready to forgive someone for hurting you, don’t make them wait. Sometimes, the closure of your forgiveness can help them heal from their guilt too.

4. Reconciliation doesn’t always look the same for everyone. 

It’s okay to heal in different ways. Don’t let others try to dictate to you what needs to happen for you to reconcile with God, others, or yourself. However, no matter how your journey goes, always remember to ask yourself, “Is this really helping me to grow as a child of God?” If the answer is no, it’s not a healthy method of trying to heal.

5. Remember all the good qualities about you, and make a list toward the good qualities you want to grow in.

If you want to truly move past your guilt, then it’s important to remember all the things you should be proud of. Then, in the areas where you have shortcomings, set goals of what you want to work on and make action steps to make it happen!

Finally, know that I’m praying for you. Whatever brought you to this article, burdens of the past can be heavy, but with God, you can lift them off and rise higher than ever. Jesus, Victor over Sin and Death, pray for us!

Authentic Femininity

Authentic Femininity

Amylia Bult
By Amylia Bult

Let’s talk femininity for a second. I say the word “feminine,” or even “ideal woman” and perhaps two different images come to mind for most people.

Woman 1: CEO, power suit and heels wearing boss of a lady. Her husband has more time with his flexible work schedule to be with the kids, so he’s the one who makes most of the meals, takes them to sports practice, etc. She makes it a priority to be home for dinner each night, tries to make it to most of those sporting events, and makes sure the weekends are as much about family time as possible.

Woman 2: A stay-at-home mom who has 5 kids and makes organic meals from scratch every night. She gardens and bakes and has the occasional crafting adventure. She volunteers on the PTA for her kids and is a carpool mom extraordinaire.

Now let me be clear: there is nothing wrong with either image. I know women who fall into each of these two categories. But the problem comes in when we place femininity as a whole into one side or the other, place one image above the other. Both of them are authentic representations of femininity because God made those women that way. Our identity is not wrapped up in what we do but in who God created us to be.

This is part of the reason why the Church, in her motherly wisdom, reminds her faithful that community is an important aspect of the Christian life. It is so, so important to have others to walk to Jesus with as a support system, accountability, a shoulder to lean on as we carry our crosses this side of heaven. But another unique piece of community is that, if we live it well, not only are we reminded of our own dignity, but we are also shown unique aspects of the Creator through the examples of others living authentically as themselves.

What do I mean by that?

Currently, I am in my late twenties and I am in a women’s group with five other women who are also in their mid-late twenties and early thirties. We all met in a variety of ways, but decided to start our group because being a Catholic and trying to live out a relationship with Jesus can be dang hard. I need other people to pray for me, to pray with me, to look at me and love me when I’m having a rough time, but also to tell me I’m being dumb and to stop doing the dumb things when they get in the way of that relationship with Jesus.

Sometimes when we get together on Monday nights, I’ll look around the room and giggle to myself at the six of us. We have many things in common (mainly that we love Jesus and want to get each other to heaven), but also we couldn’t be more different from each other. Some of us are introverted and internal processors and rely on the others to help us get out of ourselves, be vulnerable, and speak things into the light. Others are extroverted and external processors and need a safe space to process all the things weighing on their hearts. We have different tastes in music, different taste in fashion, different ideas of what is the proper way to put on a necklace (hint: there’s only one way and the rest of them are wrong).

Sacrificial love for one is waking up at 2am and giving up sleep (and sanity) to sit with her crying one-year-old. Sacrificial love for another is giving up her weekends to bring Jesus to the middle school students at her parish. Boldness for one is learning to say “no.” Boldness for another is learning to say “yes.” One woman’s prayer is for the gift of children. Another woman’s prayer is that the babies wait a little while longer. One is so excited about a new job position. Another is excited at the prospect of getting to be at home more with her kids.

I would never look at any of these women and say “oh you don’t fit a mold, therefore you are not feminine enough.” Absolutely not! There is no mold, there never was a mold, so get that out of your brain right now.

These women have taught me that the minute that you (as woman and daughter of our Heavenly Father) ask Him what He wants from you and use your personality, gifts, and talents for Him, and then do it, you’re living out your femininity. And for that lesson, I am forever grateful.

“The Three Do’s”

“The Three Do’s”

McKenzie Gamache
By McKenzie Gamache

Don’t think of a pink elephant. What did you just think of? Yep, a pink elephant.

Growing up in the Catholic Church, even as uncatechized as I was, I constantly heard the “don’ts” of purity and chastity: “Don’t have sex before marriage. Don’t be alone at night with a person of the opposite sex…” I wasn’t a rebellious daughter in middle and high school by any means, but since I heard the “don’ts” without much else accompanying them I tended to stop paying attention and instead grew curious. Later in high school, and now in college, I have found that the “don’ts” have been detrimental for many people, especially myself for years.

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Mass: Our Weekly Miracle

Mass: Our Weekly Miracle

Cecilia Elizabeth Linares Castillo
By Cecilia Elizabeth Linares Castillo

I‘ve always thought that I had never experienced a miracle in my life, until I realized all of the times that I have been witnessing the greatest of miracles— at the altar.


Sometimes we caught ourselves going to Mass, because it’s part of our routine, for obligation or just because it is what we have done all of our lives. But of course, it is one of the biggest mistakes. Mass should be lived and prayed deeply. On Earth, it is the biggest opportunity for us to become one with Christ.


Not going to lie, I used to fall asleep during Mass most of the time— can you imagine? How embarrassing! (I’m sorry, Jesus). If you don’t realize what is truly occurring at Mass, it can seem boring or tedious at times, but once you experience the flushing love of the Holy Spirit present in it, you will never go back.


I realized that I’d had the wrong approach when I started falling in love with Jesus, and I felt like something was missing in my intimacy with Him. A video appeared on my YouTube home page, “Pray the Mass like never before.” I watched it twice because I was overwhelmed by all of the truth in it that I did not yet fully understand. The more deeply I delved into it, the more I realized how much I was losing by putting so little into the altar.


How can I be so blessed that God reveals all these things to me so I can live a life being His little beloved girl? Me, a sinner? But, what can I do in my littleness? All this things started coming to my mind and I felt that I wasn’t enough, that I wasn’t able to comprehend all that was happening in the Mass, that I couldn’t give to God what He deserves.
But when the infinite mercy of God came into my life, I felt loved; I felt chosen. I was reminded by Him that He wants my heart, and that all I have to offer is because of Him, and that is enough. He never puts expectations on us, because of His merciful, loving and sacred heart.


Think about this, how blessed are we to be convocated in honor of the Holy Trinity for its worship! Mass is unlike any other service: It’s not about us— we go to fully worship a triumph God, and we are purified by the Eucharist and by so many prayers, as our angels on Heaven descend to offer our prayers to the Father.


During Mass, the altar on Earth unites with the altar on Heaven and they become one, we got many key parts in the holy celebration where we pray, listen and learn the word of God, especially where we worship the word made flesh. Today, I´m not going to go in depth about the parts of the Mass, but I highly encourage you to research about it, it’ll open your heart to encounter Jesus in the most amazing way.


In the Eucharist, the promise made to the apostles, “And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20) is fulfilled. I am forever thankful to be a cradle Catholic, and I feel so blessed to be able to have all of this fruits that God has to offer us through the Church.


Living the Eucharist and knowing what it truly means is the best way I’ve ever lived my life. I’m only 20 years old, and I still got a lot to learn, but my heart is full of joy to be part of the greatest sacrifice offered to the Father, by Christ in the unity of the Holy Spirit.

As Saint John Vianney said:

“If we knew the value of the Holy Sacrifice of Mass, we would put our greatest effort to assist to it.”


Mass is Heaven on Earth!

Deepfake: When the Nudes Aren’t You

Deepfake: When the Nudes Aren’t You

Rebekah Hardy
By Rebekah Hardy

A few years ago, I was sitting at my teacher’s desk while my students took their religion test. I was going back and forth between grading papers and checking my email when suddenly I saw one, then ten, then twenty friend requests come in to my Facebook inbox from men that I didn’t know. I checked my page to see what was going on and if I was getting spammed. When I checked my inbox there were messages… gross ones. 

I didn’t know what I did to bring all of this creepiness into my life. I ignored the messages and just deleted them thinking it was some kind of awful mistake that all of these people were messaging me. The next day I received even more friend requests and then finally a message that made my heart stop. Someone was kind enough to send me screenshots from a couple of popular sites… it was a picture of my face photoshopped onto a naked woman’s body with all my contact information listed. I couldn’t believe it.

I was struck with absolute horror and my stomach turned in disgust that someone would do this to me. I had never taken a naked picture in my life! I felt so shameful knowing that all of these men in my friend requests were looking at a picture of someone who they thought was me. People were lusting after this picture of someone they probably imagined was a consenting adult. I was horrified at the thought that one of my students, my boss, my friends, would come across this and how much damage that would produce- even though it was fake. 

I felt like it was real. The person who sent me the screenshot to me said they were so sorry someone had shared my pictures… but they weren’t even mine. Somewhere in the world, however, there was someone who did take that picture of herself. My heart broke at the thought that she was also being exploited through this. I felt for my poor sister in Christ.

For weeks I would report these pictures and they would be taken down only to pop back up a couple of days later with more raunchy captions. I felt like I wasn’t safe when I would think about the ill-intentioned people who might be on these sites seeing the place I worked next to the naked picture of “me”. I would have nightmares about them showing up at my work and following me through the parking lot. Out of fear for my safety, I told the priest who was my boss at the time about what I was going through. Thanks be to God, he took me under his wing and immediately reached out to the police in our school district to report everything that happened. He told them to keep an eye on me and make sure I was okay- and told me to call him if I ever felt unsafe.

That same day I went to my hometown police station with my dad and received so much kindness and concern from them as well. I got several calls from the lieutenant who took down my story over the following days to ensure that all was well and to give an update of the status of things. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t do this earlier. It was partly out of shame. I was so embarrassed at the thought that they might not believe my story. For fear of being misunderstood or disbelieved, I suffered in silence.

The whole time this was happening, my only consolation was that I knew it wasn’t me. Even if everyone else didn’t know that, at least I did. However, something else was weighing on my mind at the time… I thought of everyone in the world who this actually happens to. Revenge porn is a real thing and I know people who have actually had their real nudes circulated online by an ex or a spiteful friend. To this day, I pray for those men and women. The human body was never made for this.

To all of the women and men who have been lied to and made to believe that sending nudes is a normal thing- I am sorry. To all of the women and men who have been exploited because of nudes they have sent- my heart breaks for you. To all of the people who are reading this and are tempted to judge those who ask for and those who send nudes- don’t. None of us are perfect but all of us can be better.

For anyone who might be feeling pressured to send nudes, I would just like to encourage you and tell you that it isn’t worth it. I promise you that anyone who’s love or attention might be hinging on the requirement that you show them something so personal and sacred as your naked body is not the kind of “love” or attention that you deserve. While that may sound arbitrary, believe me, I know. I have had pressure to do the same thing from people I’ve dated and people who weren’t even looking for a relationship with me. Looking back, I am so thankful that I didn’t give them what they were looking for.

If you’ve sent nudes before and you feel like you can’t turn back now- that’s a lie from Hell. We know from Saint Paul’s Second Letter to the Corinthians that “Whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Cor 5:17). It is never too late to start over when you have Christ. Start today. Let Him make you new. That isn’t you anymore.

Real Life Faith: Faith Life after College and Moving to a New State

Real Life Faith: Faith Life after College and Moving to a New State

Nicole Maxson
By Nicole Maxson

“Real life faith”—What does that mean? What does that look like? I want to provide my personal and raw testimony on this topic. Nothing but honesty and complete transparency.

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Finding Freedom from Same-Sex Attraction

Finding Freedom from Same-Sex Attraction

Emmanuel Gonzalez

By Emmanuel Gonzalez

Growing up, I didn’t feel like I belonged in the Catholic Church. Since I experienced physical attractions towards other men, I felt far too broken and “dirty” to ever find myself sitting in the pews at Sunday Mass. I despised God. I despised His Church and its “restrictive” teachings on homosexuality. And yet, even amidst the deep distance that I drilled between the Lord and I, Jesus patiently waited for me to return home to Him.

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Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Sydney Lorentz
By Sydney Lorentz

It’s the classic story. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl become friends. Both enjoy the time they are spending together. However, an age-old question is often raised: Is there something more here? Or can we just be friends?

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Responding to a “Triggered” Culture

Responding to a “Triggered” Culture

Ava Hill
By Ava Hill

Trigger warning! Not necessarily, but let’s take a look at the meaning of “being triggered.” The concept actually originated in the field of mental health with the intention of aiding victims of trauma or disorders such as PTSD. For instance, a “trigger warning” may be placed on content involving suicide to prevent those who have struggled with suicidal thoughts or have experienced loss as a result of suicide from reentering into an unhealthy state.

Now, most of us who are familiar with popular culture know that this is not how the concept of being “triggered” is often used. In fact, the popular usage diminishes the real purpose of what it truly means to become triggered. Just scroll through the comments of any Instagram post—it does not even need to be politically controversial—and it is very likely that you will find someone who has been “triggered.” It is almost impossible for anyone to share their thoughts online without allegedly offending others. This may not be news to anyone, but this offense I am speaking of is more nuanced than your old friend from high school unfollowing you because you tweeted about your support for a particular candidate. As this habit of being triggered occurs most often on the political left, it often involves an accusation and questioning of the other’s morality merely because of their religious or traditional viewpoints.

I attended a liberal Catholic Jesuit high school. I met many wonderful people and, most importantly, received a stellar education. I could not, however, simply speak my mind or think out loud in any of my classes. It was not for the fear of others disagreeing with my viewpoints, but the worry that I would be deemed as a less-than-charitable Catholic. Yet, this is precisely what happened. In a very social justice focused Catholic school, I could not speak openly about how birth control distorted the theology of the woman’s body because classmates and teachers claimed that my privilege kept me from understanding why birth control is supposedly so necessary. Furthermore, students would stand up claiming to be triggered because of their personal experience with birth control. Now, contraception is another topic, but I assure you that the Church’s stance is one of the utmost charity and beauty. Like other topics that people become “triggered” by, it must be taught, discussed, and understood properly—which is rarely done.

Another distinction between finding offense and being “triggered” is when one is supposedly triggered and shuns the other person because of the apparent infraction. The response to the offending statement is no longer, “I am offended so I shall have polite discourse or leave the conversation until this blows over,” but rather, “I am offended so I shall create a permanent rift between this person and I.” Many of us have seen this when our long-time friends unfollow us or start social media arguments because we shared our thoughts on a controversial topic, and it is a sad reality.

Let us make one thing clear, when people become triggered, it is most likely because they have a personal tie to the topic at hand. This is vital to recognize, and it is one’s Christian duty to be present to simply listen to someone’s testimony of hardship. Our responsibility, however, does not end when we listen.

Additionally, social media is hardly ever a place for productive dialogue. Therefore, we cannot sit back passively as we watch the morals of our world crumble down and the souls of our brothers and sisters be lost. We must continue to speak for Truth, Goodness, and Beauty. Furthermore, as social media is a realm that seems to emit a great amount of darkness into our world, we ought to be the light source. If all Catholics were to delete their social media because they believed it to be a source for evil, it would only be because they let it become one. Thus, all the lost souls left on Instagram, Twitter, and the like would be left with no illuminating presence.

Ultimately, it is paramount that our prayer lives fuel our words. It is useless to babble on about God, the Church, and politics on our social media timeline if the Holy Spirit does not have time to fill us with His words. Then, if we feel passionate about and called to highlight a particular truth, we can feel confident that we are doing so out of Spirit-filled inspiration and charity, rather than arrogance. If people are “triggered” by our words, we can discern the true intention behind their meaning and act accordingly with kindness. As Christians, it is a grace, for we cannot go astray if we remain in the Lord and speak boldly and in love.

How to Start a Relationship with Jesus

How to Start a Relationship with Jesus

Ellie Pierre
By Ellie Pierre

July 3rd of 2019, Catholic Youth Summer Camp: I walked into a room filled with worship music, and before me stood Jesus in the monstrance. This was very new to me given that I’d never had an encounter with Him. I’d heard about Him, and I didn’t really think I needed Him. But I knew I wasn’t happy where I was at, and something needed to change. So I knelt down and held out my hands. I started to let the words of the song take meaning in my heart, and as I did, tears came—tears of repentance, tears because I wanted to change, tears because Jesus was real, tears because Jesus’ love for me was stronger than I could ever comprehend. I felt so close to Him at that moment, so loved, known, and held.

Let me say before all this took place, I was in a bad place. Long story short, I would make bad decisions that felt good at the moment, but once that moment wore off, I was left feeling more empty, lonely, and hopeless. I felt a longing in my heart for something more that I tried to cover up with things of this world. This longing was left unsatisfied until I started a relationship with Christ.

We can all have an encounter with God. But it is up to us whether or not we are going to let it change us. To have a relationship with someone is not just a one-time thing: it takes time, effort, and persistence. An encounter is only the start, just like meeting a person for the first time. If you want to start a relationship with a person, you have to take the time to get to know them. Here are things that have helped build my relationship with Christ:

Prayer

Prayer is turning the heart toward God. When a person prays, he enters into a living relationship with God.

CCC 2558-2565

You can’t get to know a person until you talk with them. Take time every day to talk with Him, being open to Him and everything He has to offer. It’s all free for us to receive. It’s just our choice whether or not to take that step to come to Him to receive it. He is here right now, patiently waiting for you to turn to Him so that He can shower you with His gifts and flood you with His grace.

The Bible

Above all, the Gospels sustain me during my hours of prayer; in them, I find everything that my poor little soul needs.

St. Therese of Lisieux

By reflecting on the Gospels, we understand how Jesus lived and how we are called to live and treat others as He did—not just by reading the words, but by praying them. This is called Lectio Divina. It involves reading attentively, reflecting on what phrases speak to your heart, resting in the silence of His loving embrace, and responding to what He is calling you to do.

The Blessed Virgin Mary

To love Mary is not to take love away from Jesus. It is to multiply, amplify, and grow in love with Jesus.

Fr. Mike Schmitz

If you are looking to build a relationship with Christ, Mary is the one to turn to for help. She was given to us to be our Mother and will point you right to her Son. Much like how the moon reflects the light of the sun, Mary reflects the love of her Son. Pray the Rosary, and meditate on the mysteries of Christ.

Eucharistic Adoration

The soul hungers for God and nothing but God can satiate it. Therefore He came to dwell on earth and assumed a Body in order that this Body might become the Food of our souls.

St. John Vianney

Eucharistic adoration will bring you into an intimate relationship with Jesus. You can come to experience this intimacy just by sitting in His presence, truly believing in your own heart that before you stands your Savior, the One who bled and died for you, the One who knows you more than you know yourself, the One who has a love for you that is greater than anything you have ever experienced before. Just resting with Him in the silence of your heart will allow intimacy with Christ to flourish. Take the time to listen to what He is speaking to your heart.

I pray this helps you to start a relationship with Jesus—to experience a love, peace, joy, and freedom that exceeds everything this world has to offer. There is a hole in everyone’s heart that only God can fill. He created us to be in a relationship with Him, so why would we want to do anything other than what He created us for?